November 2, 2019 11:36 p.m. 

Is listening to your ex toxic? Today I heard his song. It was a song about him dogging woman..gawd. And I thought, I really want him to find love. At least be happy. That’s all I want/ed for him. I saw his photo today and he looked like the ___ I used to know. And I missed him for a second. 

I’m kind of confused to be honest. I met up with ___. And that shit was lit. ___ has a twinkle in his eye. He has something that I want and idk if it’s the success or if it’s him or a mixture of both. I do know, I fucked with the vibe he provided today. It was nice. I met three other men with him too. I love being the only woman in the room...when it felt safe. I felt safe. ___ felt different and honestly it was a feeling and thought I avoided while with him. After leaving him, I remembered why I love black men so much and maybe that’s what I needed. 

I keep wondering what ___ and I will talk about when we see each other. I hope we see each other. Idk idk. I’m just looking for a feeling right now.

As for ___, I have to stay away from him point black period.